What is the emotional legacy of direct, unattended or 'pure' cremations?

Many of our elderly loved ones grew up with some experience of war time, or at the very least post war rationing, making do and mending, putting others before themselves and so that’s hardwired into their DNA. That’s why, when it comes to thinking about their funeral they often feel they are being helpful by requesting a direct cremation. “I don’t want any fuss” …. “you save your money”…. or even “just put me out with the bins”! Even younger generations make these kinds of statements as direct cremations become more popular, brought into the public consciousness by being the choice of celebrities including the likes of Prince and David Bowie, as well as extensive and relentless TV advertising campaigns by the 'big players' in this new industry.

Although their desire to save their loved ones’ money and hassle is understandable, their families and friends are often left feeling that they didn’t have a chance to say goodbye, that there was no opportunity to properly mourn and process their feelings, and that their loved one’s life went unmarked and uncelebrated.

When we think about what is missing from a direct cremation, the absence of a ceremony is probably the single biggest cause of all of those feelings. And yet, it is probably the simplest thing to organise and represents only a very small percentage of the cost. A celebrant can work with you in exactly the same way as they would for an attended funeral, and the ceremony that they deliver will be just as transformative and powerful. By meeting with family members and taking the time to get to know about your loved one, and then writing and delivering a bespoke, warm and personal celebration of their life, a celebrant can provide that missing piece of the jigsaw. In fact, there are many ways that approaching it in this way could be easier, more personal and, yes, certainly less expensive …..

The ceremony doesn’t have to be on the same day or at the same time as the direct cremation, but if you do have this information and you feel that aspect is important it can be (of course!)

• It can be at any venue of your choice, a community or commercial space or somewhere with a special connection to your loved one … a sporting venue, somewhere in nature or even at your home

• It won’t have to be limited in time to an assigned ‘slot’ at the crematorium

• It could be held at the same time as the ash scattering, so no need to organise two separate occasions and, depending what you have in mind, there’s no need for a separate wake either.

So, if you’re looking to complement your loved one’s choice of having an unattended cremation in the future, or looking for ‘closure’ and to resolve your feelings about one held in the past, all you need is to get in touch …